It's hard to say or pin the exact day
the little boy left & sunny eyes gave way
to thunderstorms and raging red mist
a desire now to hurt the one you kissed
and turned to for laughs love support
now eaten up by bitter anger all fraught

with historical pain memories from deep
come hurtling through the rage does seep
I see it I feel it I know it's ****** source
and how it's throwing your life off course
but helpless to throw you needed lifeline
as you storm and spit threatening mine

I can't live that way again not even for you
to watch you drowning is to see me blue
my hands tied bound by too many times
the fists did fall broken bones black eyes
the trigger pulls and I'm hurtling back now

so no matter no amounts of why's or how's
can pull me up to the surface for sweet air
once pulled that trigger imprisons me there
sees me stuck frozen in cold sweat panic
realisation hits home hard like the Titanic
even for you I nurtured from seed to boy
no quarter to give you now stealing my joy

if I could I would save you take the red mist
wash all your fears & forked tongue hissed
bathe you in love to carry you to be light
not set in the dark primed for any fight

so I have to let you go and do it with love
hoping praying you are able to kick above
the storming seas deep eddys pushed down
to find your sunnier day happier grounds
I'm sorry my boy but I cannot go back there
to spend all my days in uncertain cold fear

J.C. 11/05/2019.