i remember standing in front of my bedroom window when i had my first anxiety attack.
my first boyfriend expressed anger towards me and it triggered something in me.
the yelling he had towards me reminded me of my parents.
with my parents, i never got anxiety attacks.
i would just be scared.
but then this happened,
i had to step away.
it was the summer time so i always kept my window open for the air to come in.
so i stepped away and found myself in front of my window.
i heard my heartbeat through my ears and felt its thumping shake my body.
the lump in my throat made it difficult to breathe and i remember thinking that i was going to die in that moment.
i closed my eyes and felt the cold summer wind hit my face.
it was the first time something felt like a hug that wasn't a pair of arms.