In my mind
I have tried to logically conclude it
But my guilt takes over every time
It questions my intent and my perspective.
All that was beautiful in me,
my vulnerability, compassion, chivalry and even sense of humor,
are standing in the corner
heads down with shame
And I wonder
shall I stand with them in condolence
or lock them far away
so that I can focus on thinking
'Did I matter?' &
'Will I matter?'

This emptiness is real
so is my fear of its perpetuity.