Leaving you will surely **** me;
I don't even want to this time.
But I'm a big girl now,
a big girl going off to college.
I can picture it:

I open the door to your room,
you're shuffling around with something.
Your back is to me.
I stand there silently for a moment;
letting you distract yourself.
I'm about ready to break,
but I don't know how strong you'll act
so I stand up tall.
Suddenly, you crumble.
And I'm there.
Holding you up, telling you I'm here;
that I'll never let you go.
Whispering everything I can think of;
catching your tears;
pressing you into me to try an swallow you up;
to just have you within myself
where I never have to leave you.
After who knows how long;
after I've gotten everything out of me
and maybe you did too..
I press my forehead against yours
(I have to be on my tippy toes; I'm not tall enough.)
so we can just cry for a moment, together.
Then, I tell you I love you;
take a deep breath;
whisper, "goodbye"
and kiss the smooth spot on your forehead.

I think I die as I walk out the door.
I'm really not sure though.
I try to break the surface of my daydreams
before they break my heart.
There are two horrible parts about this dream.
One: this is an impending doom
I can't escape.
Everyday is a grain of sand, falling away.
Two: I don't even know if you'll notice my absence.
I mean, I know you will.
But I don't think it'll break you like it will me.
Not that I want that.
I just don't want you to let me go.