I should be studying right now.
I wanted to leave to game
Gaming is how I cope,
Yeah, I suppose that’s lame.
Instead of finishing my study,
My science work
(which was due a week ago,
But that I never did.)
I am pretending to be busy.
The Play Station was taken,
So now I sit here
Alone
And cold.

I’m marveling at the ring you gave me,
Tightening the bracelet strings
And checking the clasp of the necklace,
And thinking of the happiness it can bring.
I suppose I am upset.
Really badly upset.
And I thought of all people, I could talk to you,
Because everyone seems to be calling me a failure
Or making me feel like one.
Instead you don’t want to talk to me.

So I’m looking at the pictures from you I have.
The one you drew of us kissing,
The note in Elvish.
The skull you turned my eye picture into.
I’m holding two screws,
Thinking of you
And what more I can do.
And your copper tiger
And that pink stone.
Reminding me how badly I want to be “home”

I’m upset- but most of it is pride.
The fact that instead of asking explanation
You automatically assumed I’d lied.

But instead of sitting here studying
Or crying more
Or feeling bad and apologizing again
And again.
Or cursing your name and pretending you don’t exist,
I’m remembering I love you.
Because I do
I always do.
You’re sick of me right now-
By all means push me away.

Just tell me you’re okay in the morning,
Or you’re not okay.
And if you still don’t want to talk- tell me.
And I’ll be upset, of course I will.
But I’ll shut up and give you the space you need,
And I won’t apologize again, because that seems to annoy you.

Until then, I must get some sleep (if I can indeed, sleep)
Goodnight,
I love you.
Even though you’re not in the mood for me,
And I’m a little sick of you.
Because most of all- I’m just worried,
And I’m just not good at situations.