I'm not sure I trust anyone with the whole entire part of this. But I feel I need to tell someone.
will you listen, my friend, even though this piece is not a poem?
My friends feel a little too distant, but I think that is how i see them, not how they really are. They make me feel bad, but i'm pretty sure that's my fault too- do I take them too seriously? Or do they mean what they say...I don't remember.
My ex still haunts me. I don't wanna call it emotional abuse and i don't want my mum to tell me I'm depressed and have anxiety and that's what the panic attacks are. In fact, I want to say it's my fault and am being silly, as always. I don't wanna admit the nightmares are underlying issues, because I'm scared anyone I tell won't take me seriously, or will treat me different. But I am different.
My boyfriend...gosh I love him. But I feel bad that I feel bad when I have him on my arm, when i look into his eyes, when he smiles, and his face lights up as though having a good waking dream...and says he loves me. All I can manage is a half smile and an I love you too, which i do! But my love doesn't carry into the words, I am too tired and sad (but only this past two weeks, don't get me wrong.)
If I were to be entirely honest I kinda wanna cry everywhere and tell everyone i hate them but i love them and will stop hating them soon. But I don't know if I would stop.
So you tell me, how does one struggling, feeling inadequate, wishing she wasn't so ****** 'perfect' to everyone...how does she ask for help? And could you possibly give it?
Because sometimes us poets are far from wise.