i am the snow
i am cold, unwelcoming
yet i am played with
                                  walked on
                                                   molded
and when the sun tells me to melt, i do
im thrown around in playful jest
by people i don’t know
please stop
                   im hurt
                              i cant keep up with you
but eventually, they grow tired of me
they go inside, drink their cider, leave me
                          to shiver
           to freeze
to die?
so i try to leave a mark
and the grass is greener
and the birds come out
and the flowers bloom
            is better without me?
but i know theres a kid
who sits on his porch
pen in hand, paper in the other
who loves the cold
who’d **** to lay in the snow, face up
                                    and watch
                    his breath
and imagine
that he is a dragon that rules the world
i live for him
and i know theres a kid
who cries in their bathroom
wondering why they aren’t skinny
after they haven’t ate for
so
   ****
            long
who takes cold showers
to watch their skin turn blue
because they feel like they deserve it
they say the cold helps them think
they’re mostly right
i live for them
and i know theres a kid
looking in her mirror
wondering why she looks bad in makeup
                     in dresses
in everything
wondering who she is
but still trying to care for everyone else
even though she will never understand
their pain, their problems
she focuses on others
so she doesn’t have to confront her sins
i live for her
his imagination
their mind
her heart
i am pulled in different directions
my body is filled with cold dysphoria
icy spikes that shoot through my brain and
my heart and
my lungs
is this just a phase?
i ask myself, in front of the cross
i bully myself because i’m the sinner
is this just a phase?
i ask myself, in front of my friends
am i doing this to get attention?
is this just a phase?
i cant tell
for i am the snow
and i melt under pressure