The day starts.
Something feels wrong,
but what?
I make it through,
summoning every bit of
motivation.
It's hard to eat,
it's hard to move,
it's simply hard to live.
But I make it.
I pull through.
Then the night hits,
the creeping loneliness
surrounds.
The darkness seeps
from the floor,
the ceiling, the WALLS.
I am enveloped,
eclipsed,
completely enclosed,
by this.
My shoulders slump,
from the weight of the
DARKNESS.
The fire in my eyes,
gradually extinguished,
as the wave of hate
breaks over my soul.
I am broken down,
ground,
and chewed,
by the monster
darkness.
The monster that is
myself.
It burns, oh it burns,
straight through me,
destroying who I am,
who I was,
who I may become,
tearing through what hope
I try holding onto.
Every fiber it tears,
it shreds,
devours,
until I am but a shell
of my other self.
Confused,
scorned,
and cold, I can't remember
who I was. (who I am)
I try to remember,
what life is like
without the monster,
and can't.
Life isn't always this painful,
is it?
Doubt takes hold,
but what if it is?
Has life never been
worth it?
Surely not. Surely something
brings joy?
I can't remember.
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
It shakes through my bones,
echoing and bringing me
down, down
down.
I cry out.
Oh, God! Why?
Why me!
The tears fall, and fall,
in an everlasting
downpour, until
the room is full and
I am drowning.
I hardly care.
With the self-hatred,
sadness, and
hopelessness,
I'd rather die anyway.
I breathe the salty tears in,
a last, desperate attempt.
More and more
and more!
Be finished with me!
Because I am
finished!
Then I wake.
The day starts.