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Jan 2019
I’d been in a rush all my life chasing people, love and work.
I’d been in a constant hurry to meet someone, to do something,
Always did I feel something missing
Chasing something unknown, as if tied to some unknown string.

I’d been in a constant battle with myself
I was afraid to be frozen and to feel out of control.
I’d been hurting myself so much to hold on to this temporary world
Oh! I was so afraid to be numb, still and all alone.

Like a roaring cyclone wearing jackets of ice
I was afraid to melt in front of anyone new.
So I trusted too much but I loved a few.
Clinging to them, I let my head become an a 24x7 open zoo.

Out of it I got nothing
I got lost, feeling powerless and suddenly all alone.
On roads full of racing people, lights and cars
I dragged myself like a dead pole tuned out into a sleepy zero zone.

But then I realized
That all of this isn’t that bad at all.
When there is no one alongside
Suddenly I can start melting, I can break my walls.

I got no one to show, I can enjoy myself
The pinkening orange skies and quiet long walks.
I release myself, I let go of anything, everything and all
In warmth of my tears, I can listen to my own talks.

I got nothing to look forward to,
I got nothing to lose.
So I start building a life
A life I, myself can choose.

Let’s rush, let’s roll
But not like a machine, instead like a waterfall.
Let’s hurry, let’s chase
But only the passing breeze, and not some unknown maze.

We’re too afraid to bear the pain of a scratching, blistering and burning heart
But be thankful every time your heart gets broken.
As Rumi also says,
Keep breaking your heart until it opens.
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     ---, ---, White Widow, Nick Moore, Fawn and 2 others
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