i wish it was easier to understand
how some days i can be full of energy
warm, joyous, laughing
when the next day i can be lifeless
laying in my bed wishing it was my coffin
cold, miserable, crying

sometimes i feel powerful
like i could run for miles
or fight my way to the top
sometimes i feel defenseless
like i can only ***** up
and i give up fighting at all

some days my depression takes control
and it changes who i am
it alters my personality
drains me of my energy
and weighs me down

some days it feels like nobody could ever love me
like hot-and-cold mood swings
nobody knows if i’ll give in and cancel plans
or not call them back
if only i could find the energy or the confidence to not be ashamed of myself

i have to remember that i am who i am on my good days
and that true friends will stick around
but how much can i ask of them?
how many times will it take until they too give up?

how long until i give in
for good?