perhaps I’ve been searching for the person i’ve wished to be
keeping myself calm
trying to stay sane
perhaps it was supposed to be different for me
i knew a whole heart for only a second
i didn’t know i carried a broken heart until the broken pieces ripped open my skin
attempting to leave my body
i thought i carried a thick layer of skin
a fool
I’ve been trying to find something i don’t know
which side do you want, left or right?
i wanted both, a full heart
instead of choosing, it chose me
forced to leave the other behind
to watch from afar
it all grabbed me from behind while i was trying to do my best
stuck
standing in room full of people that see right through me
walk right past me
i collect my emotions and hold them tight in my hand
i open up my hand when im laying there alone
and i let the emotions express themselves all night
like a cycle i wake up the next morning and still no change
temporary relief from strangers i thought were friends
only to realize that medicine is dangerous
my past has molded me into the person i am
theres reasons for the present
theres stories behind my traits
i don’t know love, yet here i stand
giving my all to people
i could stop but its the only thing that heals my past
i could be angry but that would only bring back my childhood
the truth is changing things that could possibly help me
could allow my past to eat me alive
but my sadness overflows my body
and sometimes it floods the ones around me
i hate to see it happen
but this world is new to me
my life didn’t come with a manual
standing in an empty battlefield
i am my own enemy
-h.u