If you don’t want it, that’s fine
But I’m not gonna sit and pace backwards and forwards
My mind constantly being in a state of confusion and painful wonder
Just so you can do absolutely nothing

The truth is I simply cannot grasp the concept of you,
What you want, what you like, how you see me
I’ve come back to you again and again
You come and leave out of my life constantly, perhaps like an old song or a hobby

I wish I could remember the start
When we were two innocent kids
That’s how I remember you
Before you came I remember eating chicken nuggets
It was what a believe a warm afternoon
You made casual kid conversation and then we played around at what used to be there but isn’t anymore
You taught me how to make a paper airplane, and honestly sometimes I wish that I could relive that or bring it up again, just to see if it’s embroidered in your memory too. I hope it is

We didn’t meet up a lot and when we did, it was after 3 years.
Conversations flew well but sometimes stood at their tracks, you made me shy and scared
Tried to positively and negatively read into your every look, move, word or mannerism and it all seemed ok
But you still confuse me

Last time I saw you, I was absolutely sure that you hated me
That the short story of us burned out
What used to be there may or may not cease to exist
That my void was again filled by doubt

So, I’m begging you physically, mentally, emotionally, with every fibre of my being
Do something, say something, portray something
I sound ridiculous and overthought, so insane that my words don’t even rhyme
So with you in my illumination, will I ever be fine?