What can I say?
What can I possibly say
That will make any sense?
I am living a lie,
tapping words into my phone
that are selfish
and cruel,
all the while smiling
and being polite.

You have all been so kind.
I wish you could understand
how much you've meant to me.
I love you all
that is why
I feel physically ill
thinking about the pain I'll cause.
Right in the pit of my stomach
I'm crushed.

I see my family soar,
their confidence spellbinding
I love them all so deeply.
Why am I doing this?
Why am I being so hurtful?
Why am I sending them hurling off course?
I can't explain.

It just is.

I am sorry.
I am truly sorry.