My mothers love was different.
Instead of kisses she gave me bruises.
Instead of hugs she gave me cuts.
On holidays she would just sleep.
On birthdays she would forget unless you where "important".
She was an addict they would say.
She was always mad at me.
She would always say the meanest of things.
She would often say things that burned you inside...
Things that ate at you.
Depression was a gift she gave to me.
I was the mom...That's what others would say...
I was the big sister so I was supposed to make sure the kids went to the doctors or ate or went to school.
But... It was okay.
the bruises not yet healed.
its okay.
The cuts now scars.
that's okay.
Me having to take care of everything.
Its okay.
The birthdays forgotten.
Its fine
the gift of depression you gave to me...
I loved it mom... Thank you.
The never ending words that eat you inside out.
Those words can stay if they'd like.
the cold feeling of loneliness.
Its fine.
All I ever truly wanted was to hear you voice.
for you just to say "I love you" and to mean it every step of the way.
I just wanted a hug.
But its okay.
Now I see you looking afraid and lost... Do you need a hug?
Do you need a kiss?
Would you care for a talk to let those negative emotions out?
I'm here for you even if you leave me?
I forgive you just say you'll forgive me to....
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I loved you.
I couldn't tell you I loved you and meant it.
But that's okay I hope?
Is that okay?
My mother loved me.
She just showed it in different ways...
My Mothers "Love".