Nov 2018
Ten years for now. That’s how long it’s been since I last saw the Welcome To Ellis sign as I drove away as a newlywed in the back of a limo filled with regrets.
Since I can’t say how many times I’ve thought about making my return. Hundreds? A thousand? Somewhere in between, most likely. I’ve pictured myself in a fancy sports car with my hair down into a scarf like I was Grace Jenavia, or maybe in a chauffeur-driven SUV.
Once in those ten years did I think I’d be coming back to town on a Greyhound bus.
A woman next to me snores so loudly, she wakes herself up. Her head jerks from side to side as she wipes drool from the corner of her mustache.
Nothing,” reply as I pull my baseball cap over my eyes and read- just my sunglasses to hopefully cover my black eyes where the makeup is wearing off.
Hoping my iffy luck will hold until I’m off this bus, and she won’t have a clue who she say next to on this long ride from L.A.
What’d I miss?” Leans over me to look out the window as we approach the bus station. He’s six feet under, and I’m the famous one because I’m the black widow who killed him.
Know the truth, but no one else cares about anything so mundane as that. Fall from wife of a rock god to the most hated woman in America has been a rocky one, and to be honest, I’m lucky I made it out of L.A. alive.
Greyhounds brakes squeal as it slows to a stop. Changing the direction of my thoughts. Stop thinking about what I’m running from and put it behind me.
I just never thought I’d be running toward Smith, the place I spent so many years desperate to leave. I want is a simple, quiet life. Something normal. Aways from the paparazzi and accusations. Even away from doing guilty that I fear.
I glance out the window, expecting the old wooden train depot, but we’re on the wrong side of town for that.
Smith. That’s one major reason I don’t know if I’ll ever find peace here.
Soon as we hit the city limits a few minutes ago, my heart is like stone.
Force my breathing to slow and try to look at the name without feeling anything.
Instead, I glare at it, like that’s going to help me find some inner strength.
I would match everything else in this town em blazoned with the Smith name.
Hospital that’s probably only a mile from here. Court-house that takes up one side of the town square. Smith bank and trust two blocks over, near the Rodriguez Art Gallery.
The only thing that doesn’t have their name is the town itself. Pretty sure my ancestors are still smiling in their graves about snaring that honor right before they jumped the Rodriguez’s gold claim and started a feud that’s lasted over 180 years.
I did my part too, and I’m not proud of it.
Wait my turn, specifically for the woman beside me to move, I can haul my *** off the bus. The bus rumbles to life again, and I watch as it rolls away. Left surrounded by the sum total remains of my former life, in the form of ridiculously overpriced Savellia Vuitton luggage, while I wait for my chronically-late-from-birth cousin to come get me.
Cricket begins me to come back to California, I probably would have stayed on the bus all the way to New York. Well I heard they’re friendly up there........ unless they’re Idelfonso Rodriguez fans.
Ohhh, baby! Look at that **** thing just waiting on a ride. You wanna come on up with me, girl?”
Catcalls had come from a man, I would tensed and prepared to bolt, but no. A voice I’d recognize even if it had been eighty years since I’d been home in stead of ten.
First time in months, a genuine smile stretches my lips. I know I don’t get into a strangers van unless someone offers me candy first. “
As well, get up here, little girl.
I’ve got sugar for you. Cricket puts the van in park and hops out, running around the front of the faint Econoline. *** Jesus Christ, you look just like a real beauty celebrity-who forgot to tell her chauffeur where to pick her up.”
So, I rush to meet him. We collide ina hug. “ I thought you were my chauffeur. But is to early too. I wasn’t prepared to wait an hour for cricket Time.”
Cuz my cousin smells exactly the same as the last time I saw her- like *** smoke, coconut, vanilla and sunshine.
“ Lord , I miss you, girl. It’s been way too ******* long.”
Pull back. Your tawny eyes dance, and her dark brown hair is braided around the crown of her head like she’s a perfect flower child.
But she’s alright.
Her heart squeezes at her smiling face. I’ve miss her so dear to much. I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. “ I know. I’m so sorry__
Since I can’t say how many times I’ve thought about making my return. Hundreds? A thousand? Somewhere in between, most likely. I’ve pictured myself in a fancy sports car with my hair down into a scarf like I was Grace Jenavia, or maybe in a chauffeur-driven SUV.
Once in those ten years did I think I’d be coming back to town on a Greyhound bus.
A woman next to me snores so loudly, she wakes herself up. Her head jerks from side to side as she wipes drool from the corner of her mustache.
Nothing,” reply as I pull my baseball cap over my eyes and read- just my sunglasses to hopefully cover my black eyes where the makeup is wearing off.
Hoping my iffy luck will hold until I’m off this bus, and she won’t have a clue who she say next to on this long ride from L.A.
What’d I miss?” Leans over me to look out the window as we approach the bus station. He’s six feet under, and I’m the famous one because I’m the black widow who killed him.
Know the truth, but no one else cares about anything so mundane as that. Fall from wife of a rock god to the most hated woman in America has been a rocky one, and to be honest, I’m lucky I made it out of L.A. alive.
Greyhounds brakes squeal as it slows to a stop. Changing the direction of my thoughts. Stop thinking about what I’m running from and put it behind me.
I just never thought I’d be running toward Smith, the place I spent so many years desperate to leave. I want is a simple, quiet life. Something normal. Aways from the paparazzi and accusations. Even away from doing guilty that I fear.
I glance out the window, expecting the old wooden train depot, but we’re on the wrong side of town for that.
Smith. That’s one major reason I don’t know if I’ll ever find peace here.
Soon as we hit the city limits a few minutes ago, my heart is like stone.
Force my breathing to slow and try to look at the name without feeling anything.
Instead, I glare at it, like that’s going to help me find some inner strength.
I would match everything else in this town em blazoned with the Smith name.
Hospital that’s probably only a mile from here. Court-house that takes up one side of the town square. Smith bank and trust two blocks over, near the Rodriguez Art Gallery.
The only thing that doesn’t have their name is the town itself. Pretty sure my ancestors are still smiling in their graves about snaring that honor right before they jumped the Rodriguez’s gold claim and started a feud that’s lasted over 180 years.
I did my part too, and I’m not proud of it.
Wait my turn, specifically for the woman beside me to move, I can haul my *** off the bus. The bus rumbles to life again, and I watch as it rolls away. Left surrounded by the sum total remains of my former life, in the form of ridiculously overpriced Savellia Vuitton luggage, while I wait for my chronically-late-from-birth cousin to come get me.
Cricket begins me to come back to California, I probably would have stayed on the bus all the way to New York. Well I heard they’re friendly up there........ unless they’re Idelfonso Rodriguez fans.
Ohhh, baby! Look at that **** thing just waiting on a ride. You wanna come on up with me, girl?”
Catcalls had come from a man, I would tensed and prepared to bolt, but no. A voice I’d recognize even if it had been eighty years since I’d been home in stead of ten.
First time in months, a genuine smile stretches my lips. I know I don’t get into a strangers van unless someone offers me candy first. “
As well, get up here, little girl.
I’ve got sugar for you. Cricket puts the van in park and hops out, running around the front of the faint Econoline. *** Jesus Christ, you look just like a real beauty celebrity-who forgot to tell her chauffeur where to pick her up.”
So, I rush to meet him. We collide ina hug. “ I thought you were my chauffeur. But is to early too. I wasn’t prepared to wait an hour for cricket Time.”
Cuz my cousin smells exactly the same as the last time I saw her- like *** smoke, coconut, vanilla and sunshine.
“ Lord , I miss you, girl. It’s been way too ******* long.”
Pull back. Your tawny eyes dance, and her dark brown hair is braided around the crown of her head like she’s a perfect flower child.
But she’s alright.
Her heart squeezes at her smiling face. I’ve miss her so dear to much. I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. “ I know. I’m so sorry__
