Birth,
Kicking and screaming,
Within weeks meningitis overrides the quiet side,
To a nineteen-year-old mother, suddenly, that’s a fight for two lives,
Naivety of youth versus reality of life,
Her fathers disowned her,
Kid’s father’s a stoner,
The baby is screaming,
It’s hard to keep breathing,
It’s mid-winter,
If she gives up now it will mean giving up,
Full stop,
Book closed,
Claustrophobic cold,
You feel so alone,
Dad’s getting ******,
That’s just pathetic,
World getting hectic,
The hospital service,
A miracle happens,
The doctor saves him,
The baby is safe now,
That doctor stands sacred,
Tears are hysteric,
And she raises the child,
Gives it her all,
Gives it her soul,
Destroys her mind,
And he’s so ungrateful,
And they’re so distant,
As he grows older,
That miracle’s tarnished,
Becoming addicted,
Becoming obsessive,
Becoming dishonest,
Becoming reflective,
Writing this poem,
To try being honest,
To try understand this,
Not just alcoholic.
That’s how I’m coping,
At least I’m not coking,
Except when I’m coking,
But every morning I wake up reeling,
Can’t escape the feeling,
Of wasting away,
Just ****** up my uni,
Because I can’t commit for more than five ******* seconds to anything,
It was a television course,
Who even ******* likes television,
**** television,
I never wanted to do it anyway,
I just want a drink,
I just want a drink,
God, what a ******* miracle,
Thanks doc,
I need to find reason,
I need to find purpose,
This is a confession.