I keep looking for the inspiration to **** what's picking away at the roof of my mouth
The only words I ever have to say are those relating to:
The irreplaceable,
The irresponsible,
The unfathomable
Maybe that's why the only time I can puke is through others and their drunken lips
My eyes continue to break down because of the oily liquid behind them
Sloshing and leaking through the holes I covered with painters tape
This liquid will soon freeze like the rest of the world around me
I'm afraid with that,
I'll be stuck until the thawing spring
I'm building myself up
I'm involuntarily stocking for the winter
Casting each and every brick with the plaster that is my memories
A wall so high that I can't even get over
I'm scared
Just like everyone else
It continues to get darker and higher and by the time it all crumbles,
I will be blind,
Just like everyone else
A numbing feeling in my fingers will spread to my knees and to my toes and over to the people I surround myself with
Surely enough this is just a prediction,
An assumtion,
A reaction because of the feelings that come with every passing year
I have my friends,
I have my girl,
And I have my life
This much I can say I don't think I'll ever lose
I no longer care about what I have to offer the world,
I no longer care about not caring
For all of the trust I have built within myself,
I hope,
Is enough to keep me sane
And at night, I sleep the same position as I always do,
As if I'm next to her
Warmth from her chest and words
From her arms wrapped around my largening waist
Her eyes to cover my eyes,
Her lips to cover my lips, and hands to grasps my throat
so I don't swallow any more than I should
Or else I will drench all of what I've worked for
And the things I have used to relieve the side effects of a life that once was
A life that still lingers of drunken stoupers,
And infinite wisdom of the good at heart,
Will become nothing more then the dust of a young boy with nothing to lose,
Nothing to call his own,
Nothing but a scared, shirvering blanket full of smoke and strings
And this rediscovering
Of every single time I stayed in bed
Afraid of the things offered
Will soon enough creep its way through the tearing of the fingers tied
Cutting with every time I felt I didn't belong
Losing strength
Gaining weigth until it snaps
Falling away just like every time I've grown

However,
I have more string in my pocket,
The heavy duty kind,
The kind that will withstand the wet, and the cold, and the crooked
For my own sake and for hers