you never know
      you'd never understand
            you haven't gone through
the mind game . . . . . destruction more like
            of convincing yourself that
you are not in love any longer  
                       with the boy who lays right next to you
as he is looking directly at you
       and as you are looking at him, at all the little things you fell in love with
              actively trying to disassociate them from the rush of love to the heart and infatuation to the brain
                                    while trying to block out all the memories that flood back of when you were truly happy
and the realisation that you know him better now than you did then and your heart has access to more things to love
                      but it cannot, you have convinced it that it cannot
                      because while his mother still calls you a couple, you promised that you would never be again, a sacrifice made for his benefit