I've been reading books
Trying to adopt and take on new things
Sometimes I honestly can't ******* stand
The casual and boring nature
Of modern romance.

Yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn yawn
I remember when there was a time
Where I said out loud to my ******* friends
Like some little girl speaking of her prince charming
"I think he's in Chicago.."
Like I could predict the future
Like I had any kind of inkling
What the **** I was doing
And making of love.

But it got me here
It brought me like a blonde flame
Up and out of that cab
With all my bags
My hair big with a streak of green
Like I was gonna ******' take over everything
And I kinda did
And have.

It never really feels like enough
As I let down several layers of **** I've hidden behind
I get to tired and just want to speak the truth.

A mentor and teacher said to me today
When I told her how good I see her as being
That she feels that way when she looks at me too.
I said I didn't feel it
She said she didn't either
She feels like a mess inside.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for now
I wish that I felt happier on the days
Where I talked to no man
But I guess I'm still working on that.

But for now
I ******* give up
And feel like ****.

So I turned my phone off
And am going to bed.