Oct 2018
Sometimes
You start getting worse.
But does that stop anything?
NO.
You keep going.
You have to, right?
That’s what everyone says.
And if everyone says it
Then it must be true.
“Just smile.”
“It’s just in your head, right?”
“It’s not that hard to be happy.”
*******.
Why should I smile?
I’m not happy about anything.
I’m not here to encourage anyone.
*******.
Yeah. It’s in my head.
But because of that my head isn’t on straight.
And guess what?
You’re gonna hate me more if you notice I’m crooked.
*******.
It is hard.
I can’t just choose to be happy.
It’s not like I can choose it like a shirt.
I have depression.
So I don’t get to choose happiness.
It’s just that sometimes
I feel less sad and empty.
Sometimes
Mental illnesses hide.
And the person looks fine.
Sometimes
Mental illnesses don’t hide.
You better be prepared for that ****.
Cause it’s not pretty.
It’s a ******* train wreck.
It’s your job to find the salvage.
You start getting worse.
But does that stop anything?
NO.
You keep going.
You have to, right?
That’s what everyone says.
And if everyone says it
Then it must be true.
“Just smile.”
“It’s just in your head, right?”
“It’s not that hard to be happy.”
*******.
Why should I smile?
I’m not happy about anything.
I’m not here to encourage anyone.
*******.
Yeah. It’s in my head.
But because of that my head isn’t on straight.
And guess what?
You’re gonna hate me more if you notice I’m crooked.
*******.
It is hard.
I can’t just choose to be happy.
It’s not like I can choose it like a shirt.
I have depression.
So I don’t get to choose happiness.
It’s just that sometimes
I feel less sad and empty.
Sometimes
Mental illnesses hide.
And the person looks fine.
Sometimes
Mental illnesses don’t hide.
You better be prepared for that ****.
Cause it’s not pretty.
It’s a ******* train wreck.
It’s your job to find the salvage.
I’m not gonna lie. You’re alone. People have to stop lying about that ****. Only you know what you’re going through. People can try to understand. People can have similar experiences. But they aren’t you. They never will be. It’s just you. You have to figure out what works. Cause nothing is exactly the same between two people. So if you need help, then get help. But sometimes it won’t get better. Because you are you. But you can get better. It just takes a little effort.
