I don't always feel loved.
Someone can tell me how much they love me for a few months, and I'll feel it,
But as soon as that person slows down on saying it, I don't  feel the love anymore.
Maybe it's just me...
I don't know.
And then I lash out.
And then they wonder why I'm so mean and such a *****.
I can't help it.
Perhaps that's me defending my heart from another let down.
I don't know...
And when I lash out, I hurt them badly.
So badly that I fear I've lost them forever.
But they still stay.
And then they love me harder.
But then I feel it fade again..
What is it about me?
Do I repel you so?
Is the fact that I'm such a Feeler so dreadful?
Sometimes I don't feel loved at all.
Because I've been a victim of so much bullying through the years.
How many years?
9 years.
I'm only 18 now, and still, I'm a victim.
No one should be a victim of bullying.
And I'm hoping that when I leave school at the end of this year, all the hatred will detach itself from me. All the bullying will go.


I'm sorry that I lash out.
It's the only way I know how to cope lately.
I've been let down so much.