I thought I had it figured out.
I thought I had it.
This balance between loving him,
And keeping him at a distance.
So that I could still have,
A piece of him,
The physical piece.
And be okay without the rest.
Our friendship I thought,
Would hold it together.
And I'd be able to do this.
Without becoming broken.
Without losing myself.


I thought,
I knew what I was doing.
I thought,
I had this under control.
I thought,
That was my first my mistake.