hey, aren't you well?
staying ill in this weather
won't take you anywhere,
bruising heart into cracked walls
and damp groin
i see your hair is falling out again
collecting grease
shedding scalp
i said i loved you, i did.
what are we anymore, we used to
collect each tear drops
call them different names
i forgot what your face looked like
when i see you
        how can i be sorry,
how can i

there are beautiful things in this world
one of them was being with you,
painting the blanket of the earth
mint green, lavender, sky blue
-- aching red burst
and now i can't see   any of it
we were vast, transcending galaxies
like something immense was on the way
but it got caught and dried and hung
like a head with horns
like a head    with fangs
like a head, trophy that says, defeat

if i were to find you
would you let me hold you
carry you
tend you
would you like to take the time
to heal?
in my chest. in my arms. would
you let me build for you  a mending place?
or would you tell me off
tell me: pretend
not to hear your screech
not to get your hurt
would you ask me to look past it
like you did
before

what am i going to do with you?
i can't love you if you aren't here
i can't find you if you disappear

what am i going to do without you?