wake up
swallow pills
try to stomach something
stare at myself in the mirror
until i don’t recognize that face
getting those messages daily
people envying my life
wishing they could be me
if only they knew
the exhaustion i feel
hiding behind a mask
to keep myself safe and comfortable
many are at arm’s reach
but very few are pulled in closer
fine
i’m fine
really
i promise
no negative emotions here
no real sadness or anger
just an eerie feeling of numbness
pushing my emotions farther and farther away
without anything to replace them
don’t understand?
just step into my world
constant poking and prodding from people clad in scrubs and lab coats
faint whispers of people picking apart how i dress and act and love
the future is dizzying
with my obstacle course of an existence
life is a game
of comparison and competition
just let me sit on the sidelines for awhile
please
i need to rest
but for now
slap on a smile
meme myself into a good spot
throw in my earbuds and forget
take some more pills
flop into bed
but no matter how much i sleep
i’ll still be tired