what am I but bad habits and misfortune
a clump of anxious organic matter
thriving on a slow painful demise
curious to watch my brains splatter
a constant state of drunk or high

I categorise my years by tragedy
this year i was carved out like a misshapen pumpkin
a sick fleshy void eternally waiting
filling my abyss with liquor and stale cigarettes

an existence built on mistrust
my subconscious is a traitor I've tried to ****
force feeding me sadistic thoughts
I try to exterminate indruding thoughts with pills

why is it I seek solace in strangers faces
looking for meaning in empty glances
I scavenge for genuine connection
my renegade mind shuns potential advances

my identity is hiding somewhere
between the pillows of a ***** stained couch  
it fell down those dusty neglected crevasses
I dropped it the night I got slipped a pill and a victim complex