I press the lit cigarette up to my lips and inhale.
I felt my lungs close up not due to the smoke filling them, but due to the aching pain in my chest and the pain I have in my stomach that began in my head.
It’s happening again.
Over and over.
My head is spinning while I’m trying to focus on my rapid breathing.
I look at the lit cigarette between my shaking fingers and realize it’s already begun.
Another panic attack.
I try to ground myself lookin at my surroundings, searching anywhere besides the images in my own head.
It isn’t working I keep repeating to myself.
It isn’t working.
It isn’t working.
As I search my mind desperately for anything that could distract myself from feeling like I’m being swallowed up, I begin to think of him.
I begin to reminisce.
I found comfort thinking about his beautiful chestnut brown eyes.
My hands stopped shaking when I began to think about his perfect jaw line you only see in movies.
I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into this memory of him.
I think about his smile, his laugh.
As I dream off I begin to wake up and that is when I realized.
I’m alright, it’s over.
I can breathe, I’m not shaking, I’m alright.
That’s also when I realized that you, are my comfort.