i could feel the corners of my eyes start to water and soon enough,
i couldn't see that well anymore.
i hugged myself because  no one else would.
sister,
i'm sorry for crying on your bedroom floor,
i just couldn't hold it in anymore.
it feels like all the happiness that was inside me has turned to grey and i can see myself reaching out for something that i'll never be able to reach.
even my little sister asked me what i wanted to do with my life,
as if i know.
how do you know i'll still be here to see that,
to actually live that?
because i don't know.
and the same questions make me shift my seat
and come up with an answer that sounds like a murmur or a grumble.
last  night, i thought about it.
how will i make it to september?
how will i live long enough to feel free again?
i don't think i will.