I know there are people who want to hang out.
People who would be willing to come to me.
I'm just not in the place where I can handle that.
Someone might ask why I don't hang out.
Why I don't go places I really want to go to.
Why I miss out on things I would like to be part of.
There's only one reason I can think of.
I'm not ready yet.

I'm not ready for someone to come over and hang out.
I'm not ready to make plans to see someone outside my house.
I'm not ready to just go somewhere and have a good time.
The thought of that fills me with anxiety, and I can't say why.
I don't fully understand my anxiety yet, that's why I have therapy.
That's why I have a case worker talking with me.
I wish I had full independence, but I'm just not there yet.
And the reason for that is just one four word sentence.
I'm not ready yet.

I can't tell you when I'm gonna be better.
I can't tell you when I'm not gonna be tired all the time.
I can't tell you when I'm gonna have my anxiety under control.
I can't tell you when I'll be ready to hang out.
I can't tell you when I'll be ready to have someone come to me.
I can't tell you anything, because I don't have the answers yet.
And people might not understand that, but it's the truth.
All I can do, is what I've been doing for the last few years.
I keep going to therapy, I keep having a case worker.
I keep resting, I keep doing music with Neil, I keep walking.
I keep learning Korean, I keep learning Japanese.
I keep watching wrestling, I keep singing, I keep writing.
I keep doing the things I know how to do.
But I don't do the things that fill me with anxiety for one reason.
I'm not ready yet.

But don't worry about me, because I'm gonna be fine.
I have a support system, and people who understand me.
I know my true friends will wait for me to be ready.
Don't ask me to hang out, because it makes me anxious.
It's not that I don't want to, it's just because I can't handle it yet.
But when I'm ready to do something like invite someone over.
Trust me, it will be a major moment for me.
Because that will mean I'm ready to take that step.
Ready to do something without thinking about it.
And while I'm not there yet, I think about it all the time.
But there are other things that have to come first.
Just remember that it's not that I don't want to socialize.
It's not that I don't want to be someone who goes out.
It's not that I don't want to have complete independence.
It's not that I want to spend my life alone in my room.
It's just the one reason I keep giving in this long thing of mine.
I'm not ready yet.

Just know that if you want to talk to me, and I know you, you can.
I may not be ready to hang out physically.
And I may be uncomfortable with phone calls.
You can always text me, or message me on Facebook.
I'm always logged in, even if I'm not on, so just message me.
I may not message first, because that's just how I am now.
But if you know me, and want to keep in contact with me.
All you have to do, is message me, and I will answer.
And the moment I'm ready to hang out somewhere.
Or ready to have you come to me.
Then I promise you, I will tell you.
Just remember to be patient.
And that this is annoying for me to, because I have to deal with it.
But with the help of doing what I know, and being with family.
With going to my music sessions and having therapy.
With doing the things I like and am comfortable with.
There will come a day in the future when I'll finally be able to say.
I'm ready now.

Until then, just know that I am always here.
Message me if you want to keep in touch.
If I know you, then you know, I can be a chatter box.
And I will let you know when I can hang out without anxiety.
I'm not ready yet...
But one day...
I will be.