I never believed in love at first sight.

It was always something that happened slow,
With the one I least expected it to.
Falling in love always took time,
But before I knew it I was in over my head,
Drowning in it.

I always had too much,
And they never wanted any.
So I had to drink it all up,
An ocean of it,
Every last intoxicating drop,

Until my chest ached from it, about to burst,
Throwing up onto white pages that could barely soak it up
Leaving a trail of hastily combined words,
Love, pain, anguish.

So this time I decided to just let it out,
Let it run out from sound instead of tears,
Let my less-than-eloquent language blur
With colloquial words,
Let the feelings flow with my tumbling speech,
Falling upon her ears instead of a page that she would never see.

So now sometimes I look up from white paper
And see a cotton sky,
The same color.
And I realize, it wasn’t love I had drowned in.
Love fills a comforting space,
Warmth on these silver and cotton days,
It was hope,
And lack of hope leaves an empty space,
One that fills with rain.