There is no brother worse than you,
Or any brother better.
I guess you’re turning out alright,
Sometimes your jokes are clever.

You wake up when I come from work,
Pretend you’re doing homeschool.
Your sneakers were two hundred bucks,
They barely even look cool.

If you’re not in the car in five,
Oh well, too bad, you’re walking.
Sometimes you tell me to shut up
When I’m not even talking.

Your taste in music is the worst,
But not worse than your omelettes.
Last time I checked under your bed,
I found your stash of chocolates.

You never know how to react
When someone compliments you.
“Timmy, thanks for making brownies”
“Shut up, before I slap you.”

You read like three survival books
And fixed up an old longboard.
Sometimes I hate driving with you
Because you steal the aux chord.

Overall, you’re pretty decent.
Your hygiene could use some work.
Just slap yourself once in a while
So you don’t become a ****.