i still remember the days
singing hymns for death in a sunken gaze
my tights ******* in a noose so tight
and my arteries putting up the usual frantic fight.

hang in there, they said
and i did.
-
with unsure tread
between life and death
most days, shutting down, didn’t even break a sweat.

each step onward
like flushing sparks in obsidian dark
and hope kept blinding my eyes
while i continued stringing along my faithful surmise.

my dear readers, loved ones
what can i say?
honestly: where i am today
is a place i never thought i’d be worthy enough to attain.

... never pretty enough to feign vain.
.. never confident enough to complain.

and still, i draw another breath, all these other days
with colors eclipsing
feelings insisting
a will to live, befitting  
yes, finally

my life
is now

a life worth living.