You are so bitter to me, inner torture of worry,
I ask my thoughts endless questions, questions like “What went wrong?”.
I want to spread my vibrancy of inner beauty and love,
yet I glance to see your hatred does not contribute to the above.
I feel the anger build up, being forced down my throat,
Individual's lanterns fade into the dark.
Contacts one by one disappear into the black,
isolated, I am all alone again.
I feel my anxious heart beats, beating up and down,
I scream out with excitement which ruins all around.
I mostly wish my yelling would be heard from the side,
the other side of the room filled with all my love inside.
After feeling like all is gone, I rush into the cell,
painted wallpaper surroundings, windows forced shut.
I feel the days rushing past, the weeks alongside months too,
before I know it years have gone by and I'm still thinking of you.
I treasure my memories so deep and wonderfully inside my cracked heart,
I know you may have forgotten me, but I will never move on.
Popularity of others push images to the ground,
one of those images of identification happened to be mine.
I saw you there in the crowd cheering the beating on,
you watched the punches, slaps and cuts all over my body.
That ray of light I once had seen arisen from the dark,
an arm around me another in the air projecting the word, “Stop”.
I saw your face for the first time again and the drops of rain fell down,
you looked at me with your deep blue eyes and said it's all done now.
I felt my emptiness pour in, feeling my tears fly,
from my eye ducts to your skin, your warmth dries them up.
For years now continue on more and now you are all stone,
I tried so hard to make you smile, but I realized back then...
We can not always make one another smile in the light of day,
someday we share tears of pain and suffering we bare.
Now I see the candle in the freezing empty church,
but I didn't feel scared at all when I looked up and saw you there.
An older poem I wrote years back.