10,000 steps a day,
In hopes that maybe there is a way for me
To be healthy
And get skinny
Simultaneously.
I do it to avoid
The feeling that I'm not worthy
Of anything other than pain, but of course
My mind always goes back to the way it was before
When i finish the 3 hours of non stop pacing.
I don't know why,
But I keep thinking
That maybe if I burned extra calories,
I can be like a normal 13 year old girl
And eat as much as I want.
But of course,
It never happens.
I eat and I feel extremely guilty.
I hurt so badly because I thought I thought I could be normal
Crying hysterically,
Burning my skin,
Wishing I could take another 10,000 steps.