i was okay being marked ‘damaged goods’
because i was yours and you let me believe
that you could possibly be mine.
you found me beautiful, remarkable,
understood me in ways that no one else could.
i thought with you i found meaning -
i was made whole in your embrace,
my name never sounded sweeter than on you lips.
'no one will ever know you the way i do’.
i was unknowable the way most broken things are
the pieces were all there but in no discernible way.
no way anyone but you could look at my jagged edges
and find beauty and strength and love.
love.
it’s so strange how the first time the words left my lips
and pressed themselves into your skin 'love, love, i love you
i’m in love with you’
yours only grew silent.
i could pick apart the ways you twisted my love
made it something perverse and ruinous.
'you don’t know how to love someone’
and maybe i don’t but i thought with you i could try,
that i could learn be someone worth loving.
i was never one for fervent prayer
but i got my knees and i prayed to God.
i prayed for guidance and assistance.
i prayed for patience and wisdom.
i prayed to be absolved of the sin of loving you.
we were great, beautiful, and terrible things.
and i wonder if you ever truly loved me
the way i thought i loved you.