What if I were to be a conch shell?
Emptied of my pain, of my trivial afflictions
What if all my memories were stripped from my mind,
Would my mind become bleak like the frigid landscape of Antarctica
Or would it finally be empty enough to become saturated by unfiltered light?

What if I have used my mind as a crutch for all these years,
Because loving was just too fierce,
Too all encompassing
Love could lift me to my highest highs,
And promptly pulverize me in a matter of seconds.
Because of my unhealed pain surrounding love
I unintentionally sequestered myself in the small realm of my mind
Becoming dizzy and detached from my heart and body
As my mind stewed in a mess of overthinking,
In this process trying to derive the perfect formula
To avoid future pain at all costs

But I just wonder, if maybe
All this pent up inner torment doesn't truly belong to me,
Like, it shouldn't form my identity
I guess it's really hard to say,
Because these traumas make up so much of who I am today
But maybe I shouldn't allow them to have so much authority over my life
Because truly, these traumas are the source of my continuing strife
I just think, that maybe
If I willingly surrendered my psychological debris to God
That He would take it and dissolve it,
So He could fill me, unhindered, with His unconditional love.