It slipped out of my mouth before I could choke back the words
I love you
To me those words are forbidden
The meaning of which I never allowed myself to indulge in
I never found myself worthy of them until now
I love you
It felt so natural
They way my tongue lightly teased the roof of my mouth and finished off at my lips in an "o"
I never thought that those words could feel so light
I always imagined they'd pummel out of my mouth like a brick
Hitting the ground with such force the tenderness of the moment would be shattered like ciderblock
Yet these words weren't bricks
They didnt break like I always thought they would
They weren't accompanied by twangs of fear or anguish
I love you
Instead I found myself smiling.
A gentle tugging at the corner of my lips
Captive to my puppet master, the strings pulled them so high my teeth were showing
I was crying like I always imagined I'd be doing
But it was out of jubilation
Of relief
Of safety
In the comfort of knowing these words which held me back in fear of their power for so long were words of power not for their daunting significance but for their freeing ability
I never dreamed I could fly
Some dreams are so foolish no child would deem it possible
And saying I love you was a nightmare of mine
But hearing you say it back--
Knowing that no matter what you said that I didnt regret it--
God, how I felt like I could fly in that moment.
I have no fear of those words now
They give me comfort
I love you
Such power only eight letters hold.
I could finally allow someone to see my heart
I'm so glad it was you.

--I spent years beliveing I was unworthy