i’m gonna watch you fall in love with her
and i’ll be so, so overwhelmingly happy
for you
because all i’ve ever wanted
is for you to be happy
and if she is what makes you happy
sure, i wish it was me
but you are happy
and therefor
i am happy
————————
i’m gonna watch you fall in love with her
****, i’m gonna watch you
progress from the cute comments about her
the way she smiles and flips her hair
the dress she wears that you like so much
to about how she tastes like honey
and how you love to run your fingers down her back
to how good you feel when she moans your name
to how you guys are talking about your future
to your doubts
and insecurities about the relationship
and, although you’ve never been there before,
maybe,
to you proposing
and asking my opinions on rings:
“i don’t know what girls like!”
i won’t say anything,
unless, of course, i’m drunk
and then i’ll say everything
and you’ll remember more of it than i want you to
and i’ll have panic attacks
and you’ll feel like it’s your fault
but, god,
will i be
so
*******
happy
for you and her
because i will see the way you look at her
and laugh with her
and how warm and genuine your contentment is
you’ll be glowing
basking in the light that she gives off
and everything will fall into place for you,
finally.
just the way you’ve always wanted it to.
but my world
will
shatter
over
and
over
again
because i will never find someone
that gives off more light than you
and i will never
-glow-
around someone the way i
—glow—
around you
and i will never
feel anything more
than i did that night
when i thought that,
maybe,
you feel the same way too
but you do not
because you have found something in her,
in her bleach blonde hair and crisp blue eyes,
that you will never find in me.
but, ****
would i be
so
*******
proud
of
you
at your wedding.