I cant hear you now. Theres always been a voice in my head, often jumping from person to person. And for a prolonged stint it was my own paranoia. She was irrational and brash, isolation was key and i didnt mind being alone with her. Then his voice carved a space in my head uninvited he stayed there with dignity, he was the one who tried to bring me down, see me wallow on my hands and knees. As distance grew and nostalgia blurred old wounds he was replaced with a quiet voice. Wouldnt talk to much, mostly just hummed and sang a broadway song but there was a coexistence between us and we had a deal worked out. She would push and i would pull. I couldnt keep that voice. It hurt too much after the fall. I pushed and pushed and finally something snapped or maybe its because i can no longer remember what she sounds like.

It is summer now and things are quiet. I am still searching for my own voice, it got buried over time but I’ll keep on.