This is the hell I live in. This is the hell I’ve created.
One where the dark consumes the light for breakfast and your shadow from the day follows you into the night.
The kind of hell where mistakes aren’t forgiven.  In fact, they eat you alive.
Imaginable thoughts going to bed with anxiety & anxiety cheating with self-loathing.
Depression breaking into your mind and heart like the police with no warrant.
No warnings.
No sirens.
Nothing.
But this kind of sadness isn’t new to me, I lean on it and it leans on me. The only difference is that even though I let go, it still has a deathly grip.
I wished I could go back in time.
I wish I could be saved.
I wish I could be forgiven.
Even if everyone forgave me.
The sole fact is that I cannot forgive myself ...
For this is the hell I live in. This is the hell I've created.