the ducks observe me while i roll a dutchie//
the wind interrupts my concentration//
i stop//
listen to the children playing out in the distant playground//
"tag, you're it"//
i begin to imagine small spaces with everything going on inside of them//
inside of this neighborhood, a world unknown to me//
a house with undocumented people//
an alley where you meet your drug dealer//
i go through a secret opening to the creek beneath a bridge//
with ease, i walk, and walk//
think about my mom, my brother, my sister, and my dad//
their actions have influenced my subconscious//
and i somehow respond to their doings, without knowing how it derives into existence//
my words will crumble on paper, my words deleted from the internet//
i will die, knowing i love a girl named sabrina//
knowing my ex girlfriend deserved more than the egocentric boy i was at 16//
my friend dakota from timberlawn mental hospital never emailed me to say he was out, i think he's dead//
i've grown out of this notion of expression//
at least, i thought i did//
but i had to step back from it, for a little//
i was traveling, stoping and observing ideas i could execute//
im making visuals filled with visions that take action and precision//
im loving til i can't//
im regretting thinking i'm scared to not give it my all//
my coffee hasn't been downed//
when i was 6 i nearly drowned//
everything around me could've changed//
denisse would've had more hope for men//
gabby could've ended her madness, but for her, thoughts always came crawling back//
i would've missed out on meeting sabrina//
sometimes i think, of the possibilites and of the probability//
something i empty my mind and sit, in the stillness of the universe//
billions of years ago, it was here, and i was nowhere to be thought of, nowhere to exist, nowhere to be//
my moments will be impacted with self-will//
my coffee is getting cold.....

*gulp