When I finally **** myself, I need you to promise you will not be kind to me. I don’t want roses and a front Paige obituary, do not paint me as an angel being called home. When you write your grief poems I want you to tell the truth. Tell them I was a *****, tell them how I was selfish and you despise me. Tell them of the pain that I gave to you because I was weak and could not handle it myself. When your therapist asks you what you would say to me tell Kathy good riddance, and thank you. When my mother invites you to my send off at the back of the cemetery don’t show up, tell her you have to go water your dog or take your goldfish on a walk. Make up some ******* excuse so you don’t have to see me. Erase the sound of my voice from your brain, delete the photos, tear out my page in the yearbook so that I only exist under a stone marker in the ground. Give my memory to someone who deserves it. I know I’m asking a lot but I need to leave this world knowing  you won’t be hurt, I don’t want you to love me because loving me means hurting you and you don’t deserve to be hurt anymore, you deserve better than me. Better than my outbursts
Better than my anxiety attacks
Better than my stubborn attitude
Better than my paranoia
Better than my inability to trust you, even though you are the closest to home I’ve ever had.
Just better
You deserve the world
I want you to hate me because I love you, but I can’t do this, not anymore