i sat in the car
writing and rewriting my end.
"god, why do you have to be so sad?"
i closed my eyes in attempt to drown everything out,
to attempt to drown myself out.
i want to be new again.
i want to unexperience everything i've seen
for it has only scared me and thrown out the memories that would save my life.
on my knees,
i'm begging please,
if someone is up there please make me feel like i'm not just talking to my ceiling every night.
i've prayed and prayed but please if i'm not meant to be here,
please give me a sign.
i've been waiting and waiting for something,
anything.
and if this is all a punishment for me,
please tell me because i can't do this anymore.
i've tried everything and got everything taken away from me.
i've been beat and thrown around to the point where i feel like i've been put here as a breathing, living punching bag.
i feel like i'm only here for the benefit of other people.
i've been screaming in the dark and touching every corner to find the hope that been taken away from me.

if i'm not meant to be here,
please tell me