"this is not to say that i wont ever feel anything for anyone, ever again.. but i will avoid everything i feel for anyone.. at all cost!" *

2 years.. left me broken, insecure, lost.
you tried to pick up the pieces but you failed.. was it my fault? was i too much of something too broken?
i knew i was.. & i warned you. you persisted.
my biggest fear has always been opening up to someone because in the end, i am left alone. by myself. where i started.. but with each time, the temperature drops and it leaves my heart a little bit colder than before.
i told you my fears, i made attempts to clarify my actions.. all you needed was time, i made time out of the little energy i had left..all i needed was time yet you didn't have that.
far from ready, i ignored what i felt in preparation to fix myself because i valued all that you seemed to be.
i was willing and even tho trust has gotten me nowhere and my mind kept reminding me how unloveable i am.. i still dropped all doubt, to fall freely into the words you spoke to me while at my lowest point.
you saved me above all else..
you made me realize how much i didnt realize.
but even tho at that point you made me feel so high, somehow you left me feeling lower than before.
now of all the things i realized, what i realize most is words are a waste. they sound good, and they seem essential but all they really bring is false hope and they channel feelings that are not backed by actions.
now, i dont hear anything.. words fall on deaf ears.
whatever is spoken is dismissed by my fears.