It was just one of those nights
One of those nights where you get to bed at a decent hour
And you’re just laying in bed closing your eyes to sleep
And you think of something small
Just something like a song you heard
Or maybe a band
And you wonder if someone you know might like it
You wonder if your brother might like it
So you think about it and realize you don’t even know
You don’t know what they listen to anymore or if it has changed
You really haven’t spent much time with them recently
You really haven’t spent much time with them in the last ten years
You start to wonder why
It feels trivial but you keep asking
Where did the relationship go
Where did it go wrong
How much was ever really there
You remember the last time you were together you had a bad moment
It wasn’t really the last time you were together
The last time was good
But the incident feels like the last time
It feels like maybe that’s where things changed
Even though it probably isn’t
Even though it was probably always the same
Or it has been for some time
You remember some of the things you said
Some things that were out of line
You’d done that with your other brother too but he usually got the better end of it
Still you were both drunk
Sometimes the truth comes out like that
Sometimes you’re just stretching
Sometimes you’ll never know
You remember you owe him money
He seems to have forgotten but that doesn’t make you feel better
Does he care about that
Could that be the hang up here
You remember other people you owe money to
Your grandma leant you some once and you only paid back a bit
You know she doesn’t hold it against you
But you know she has only forgotten if she wanted to
That doesn’t feel good either way
You remember the time your dad had to bail you out of jail
It was a mistake and just a misunderstanding
You didn’t know you had the warrant
You thought your fine was paid
The charge had been from years earlier
That didn’t take away the disappointment from his face
That didn’t take away the lecture you got on the way home
Who knows how much he paid for bail
He paid the balance of the fine as well
He was too upset to thank for it
I guess you never got around to it
Another time you were in a pinch and had to ask your mom for money
Your power had been shut off
You were unemployed with no prospects for a job
She flatly said no at first
Then not without a solid plan
But you didn’t have a plan
You didn’t have any plans and that’s why you called
You ended up heating up canned food with candles for a couple days
You fed your dog at least half of whatever you had
None of it felt good but you couldn’t blame your mom
Was she right to say no
Was she wrong not to help
All you know is you never asked again
You trust she had her reasons one way or another
There’s nothing much to say about it now anyway
Or at least you wouldn’t if there was
You know your parents love you the ways they know how to
You know your brothers do too
It’s 2 AM now and you have thought of everything
It’s 2 AM now and nothing is meaningless