i sit here
staring at a blank screen
with the word poem
staring back at me

i sit here
unsure what i'm
supposed to be doing
my face reflected
in the dimly lit screen

i know i want to write
but i don't know what else
and the words that usually flow
aren't here
and i'm not quite sure
if it's because i have nothing to say
or because i'm just
tired of it all today

i know what i'm saying
i can see myself saying it
but i don't know if i should
i really shouldn't
but i can't stop myself
and that seems to be my problem

i don't know how to start
or i can't bring myself to start
but once i've started
i can't stop

these words flow
from my mind to my fingertips
almost as if there was no filter
nothing stoping my words
making me think
and it's only after i hit enter
that i realize
i should not have said that
written that
meant that
wanted that

things aren't as they used to be
these are thoughts i should not be having
but i can't seem to stop myself
the thoughts are too wonderful
and i've had too many dark ones
to keep these at bay
but in order to be
what i'm supposed to be
i have to stop them somehow
but it's hard
because i don't want to

see

this started as a poem
and it became a rant
because my thoughts are flowing
like tears down the cheek
of my past self
crouched in a stairwell
my stairwell
well, our stairwell
when where was a we
to make it ours
but really, we never existed, did we?

it was just a dream
a fantasy
flirts and words through a screen
and a couple rebellious actions
fueled by love, and adoration
but that dream has to end

these thoughts must stop
though i don't want them to
they must stop
as if i were still
staring at this screen
with nothing to say