I miss the abuse.
The tangled feelings of regret.
I miss the tears.
The words you said to make me cry, tore down my substantial walls.
You robbed me of myself.  
Leaving me empty and alone.
As much as I miss the pain.
I know if I return.
I'd be better off dead.
The minuscule amount of joy can't triumph the pain I'll feel every day.
But I still miss the abuse.
You told me "You ruined me."
You told me "You don't love me." You are right, I have ruined you, I don't love you.
No more.
No more.
No more.
I don't think I can ever go back to all that.
If you ever got close to me, I think I would crack.
I would break in a million new ways that I've never been broke before.
I will descend to the earth like the dirt I am.
Lucky for you, you never saw me cry everyday.
I was stronger than you.
You thought.
You never saw me cry.
I practically died.
You killed me on the inside.
Now I think I might have trust issues.
Will every boy abuse me?
Will every boy deny me?
Will every boy misuse me?
Will every boy be like you?
Maybe they will.
Maybe I'm a magnet for those guys.
Maybe I love the abuse.
Maybe I miss the abuse.