What is it that makes them believe they know how I feel. No one has dealt with the things that I have dealt with. They laugh and they mock. They say my pain should be over by now. They claim my desires for death are a sign of weakness and greed. It is them that are greedy. They tell me they don't want me to go because they love me. Well,if they loved me they would let me go. I can't leave my house because of my sickness, yet they go out and enjoy life. I beg them to come by for a moment, but they are too busy. If your love isn't strong enough to come by when I have gun to my head, then how can you tell me I have reasons to live. I started cutting a short time ago. Now, I'm not happy unless the blood is flowing. My arm looks like I ran through a barb wire fence, yet you say I should be proud of my life. You tell me that God is the answer to my prayers. I truly believe in God. But this is my battle and my demons. You tell me he will never put more on me than I can handle. Well, he did. My pain came from trying to love others and make them happy. Now, I can't even die because I need to make others happy. When do I get to do what Marty wants, what makes Marty happy? The only way I live day to day is by emducing pain to live with the emotional pain. I started cutting so I had pain. My counselor said to try rubber bands and ice cubes. She was right they cause a lot of pain. But, it isn't enough so now I have rubber bands, ice, I cut, I punch myself in the head. But her memories won't leave. Tell me how to live. Life isn't about the longevity it's about quality. And, this isn't life