All aspects of my future make me anxious

Every time I think about it
I imagine this pit growing in my stomach

It starts off small
about the size of a seed
but the more that I think about it
the more I water it
and the bigger it grows

Where will I teach if I can't find a job?
bigger
Where will I live?
bigger
Who will I end up with?
bigger
Will I even find someone that wants to marry me?
BIGGER
Will I be able to have kids?
BIGGER
Will my family be around to watch me grow old?
BIG-

And then suddenly the pit has grown so large
it no longer has any room left to grow
It has taken over my stomach completely
causing me to stop in the middle of my tracks
frozen in fear
waiting desperately for it to get smaller

But it never does
Because you see
the more you water it
the bigger it grows
and there's no going backwards


Backwards
If I could go backwards
I would **** every last droplet of water out of the seed


I would give anything to make it shrink
There's not much I hate more than the unknown