i am overwriting you
i buy your favourite perfume
just to mix it with ammonium
make myself sick at the thought of it
i wear the lingerie you left
until my bigger ******* break the seams
of your c cups
i read the pages of your favourite book
just to tear them out afterward
i make coffee just to pour it down the drain
i wear pink until it’s just another colour in the spectrum
i wear the dress you loved on me and other people love it on me too
i take friends to the places we went, just so they aren’t yours anymore
nothing i have belongs to you now

i do the things you wish you could
i kiss other women
i ****** an older man, just to tick it off my list
i sit in lace i bought with the money i would have spent on you
touch the juice of citrus to my wrists and sip sweet tea
i spend weeks on the other side of the world
sit in the sun until my rings leave white lines on bronze skin
buy myself a moonstone to replace the necklace you got me
bathe myself in rose water, rub my skin with cocoa butter
aloe vera, tea tree, sea salt
scrub until you've not touched a single cell of me
brush my hair like i used to brush yours
softly, softly, slowly
cut it all off just to grow it out again


do not misunderstand me
i do not regret loving you
no force on this earth could do that
it’s just -
your mistake was so sudden.
the love had to go somewhere else
so i poured it inside myself instead
there is so much of it, you see
an abundance, honey golden and sweet
a lifetime full, my body made enough for you forever
so i cut ravines, redirected the source into the sea
all this love you could have had, i’ve given it to me.