You don’t want that diss text
That Who phone is this text
But it makes you think
Of the time you accidentally dropped your phone in the sink
And cried out, Sink take these hands instead!
You run downstairs and find the bag of rice
How do you trip going up the stairs?
And trip again once you reach the top?
Somehow you do both while carrying the bag.
And you say that the stairs were slippery
But even the stairs be like I did not facilitate such clumsiness.

But you don’t take rice out to put the cell phone in
You dump the cell phone
Sink-water filled and all
Into the bag of rice
This is not a time for delicacy
Your cell phone is dying by the second
You start thinking of all the contacts you would lose if this doesn’t work
You start dreading all the pictures you would lose that you liked and saved.
That you did not upload to Google Cloud
Or share on social media
Because for once you listened to that aunt
Who you only see at the Fourth of July barbecue.
Who said don’t post pictures on social media
Well where is she now with her advice
On how to get water out of a cell phone?!

You take the cell phone out
You think that the rice is ruined
You know what ruined rice looks it
And it looks a lot like this
It even smells funny.
But you stash it inside the cupboard and hope that no one notices
Like when mother says I’m coming home
And you forget that you was supposed to thaw the meat.
So you try to put frozen meat inside the oven
And put the heat on low
And it just makes everything worse
Just like this cell phone
You wish you had an instrument
To **** the water out
Like cell phone dialysis
But that technology is still in the future.
Your cell phone can talk to you in conversation
But any water that gets in stays in
If only cell phones can use the bathroom
Do they have an Ex-Lax for cell phones?
Oh no, because my cell phone is down I can't even look it up!

You mumble to yourself they were focused on the wrong things
When they built the cell phone
Because before your cell phone could be dropped
Thrown or suffer going through the waters.
Sure it did not have the apps
Are apps really worth a new cell phone every new earth rotation?
Nowadays you cant even have a drink next to your phone.
So now you call the cell phone company
And you are relieved that everything is covered.
But to replace it you have to put a lot of money
Because you didn’t have it long enough
You mutter again out long
Since no one is around
They build glass stronger than this.
But you go and get your new phone
And are glad to see that the important stuff is still there.
So when someone text you
And you just see a line of numbers with What's up
You can text New Phone Who phone is this
And let the conversation begin.